I need a change.

I hate this building. I hate how I stay in it all weekend because I feel lazy to go anywhere in this area, a boring and dull neighbourhood that isn’t even really a neighbourhood — it’s just a bunch of sky-rise buildings. I hate how I can’t just open the door and walk out. I hate how I can’t see my neighbours. I  don’t belong here. I want to be in a natural human environment. I love how I’m with my family, but it doesn’t mean that I’m with the rest of my community. I’m not engaged in my natural environment. We all used to, way back in Iran. We have a history of a rich community of family and local habitat. I was brought up around trees, vegetables, rocks, water and grass. I used to go swimming everyday. I picked cherries, climbed the walnut tree, pet the dog, watered herbs, played games, chased after birds. I hate it here! I want to go back to my childhood and be more engaged in my environment.

What is the point of sitting here and pretending to do work? I sit in my room with my laptop all day! I hate it! I hate the fact that where I live limits my interactions within my local environment and affects my daily cycles. I don’t go for walks or runs; I don’t walk to a local farmer’s market; I don’t bike anywhere; I don’t plant anything; I don’t have any pets. I really don’t do anything except for stare at this screen and think about life.

Well, I’m exaggerating a little bit, because when I’m not home I’m really happy. I really like being around people. It’s just when I’m stagnant for too long, I feel like I’m not myself and that I limit my actions because I’m stuck in a loop. I think I’m priviledged to be living with my parents but I worry for them too. I worry that they’ve conditioned themselves to this unengaged environment and way of life, that they’ve forgotten what life is really about.

Or, maybe it’s different for them. Maybe they’ve been doing this for years and all that matters to them is family. In Iran we were around more familiarity so we were more involved as a family in activities and gatherings. Or, perhaps this is what the majority of the world is now? Immigrating to a new country and moving into “good” neighbourhoods (suburbs), buying a car and driving everywhere and providing for the family. What I’m concerned about is these “good” neighbourhoods because I can clearly see how they are “bad” neighbourhoods because there is no sign of a neighbourhood, just your suite. Or, maybe it’s these condominiums that are really the problem. They make us lazier and encourage us to stay in our homes. Or, maybe we have just become so lazy that we are hesitant to do different things because we mold our lives to inactivity and condition our bodies to underengage in our residential communities.