I’m so confused with myself. Not because I don’t know who I am or what I want to do with my life, but because of the things that I don’t do with the time that I have.

I remember clearly at 12 years of age thinking about my future career, I told myself that I would not be happy with a job sitting in front of the computer all day. I was trying to envision myself as a graphic designer back then, and it bugged me quite a bit because firstly, I was in love with being athletic and active, and secondly I wanted to have a job that I was passionate about. I continued with my path to become a designer for the sake of having a secure job, came to OCAD and will be graduating this April. What has changed is my vision of graphic design through the training and practice of becoming a professional graphic designer.

Don’t get me wrong, I love design. I am passionate about creation but I’ve come to realize that time is such a valuable thing that can be spent productively to benefit health, attitude, spirit, mind, body and soul. All these years I have just used design. I’ve used it like a tool to give me direction. So it has.

I’m a designer because I practiced performing through graphic software and have used the assigned projects to explore the programs and technical language, and improve the quality of my work through critiques from teachers, classmates and clients. It’s an interest and skill that I’ve improved over the years and have made it a huge part of my life. I just do it because I like practicing it and I’ve  witnessed the results of my creations, which make me thirsty for more. If I figure out how to do something, I get excited, and I continue doing it. Since exposure to technology, softwares and Internet, I’ve gotten stuck in a tech-world through which I’ve consumed a great deal of my precious time.

Since the extremely well developed and branded Facebook entered my life over a year ago, my addiction to technology has gone the worst path it could have possibly gone for me — and that is in-productivity and time wasting. I was trying to keep away from technology as much as I could, because my true nature is to put energy into physical activities. I was always a doer and I never wasted time. My time was always consumed by some activity that felt productive. (Well, TV hooked me back then, but it wasn’t as severe as my laptop is now.) Over the past year, I’ve realized that I’ve become addicted to an obvious waste of time. 

What has Facebook done for me that has made me more productive in life? Hmm. All it has really done is broadcasted me to my friends and people I barely know but label as “friends” on Facebook. I’ve become addicted to it, just like the other millions of people in the world. Sure, it has made things easier on some level, but I don’t remember what the problem was before. I never had trouble communicating with my friends and people I knew. I called them on the phone, talked to them at school, chatted on MSN or sent emails. I really don’t know why anything beyond that is necessary.

What is so hard about exchanging emails? It just seems to me that it’s become a big popularity contest. What is its true purpose? To find lovers? To find strangers? To look at people in versions you’ve never seen them? To have a stronger sense of individuality? To deliver your message with clicking “Send”? To join (terribly designed) groups and waste more time and get you nowhere? To post events that 50 claim to be attending and less than 1/2 show up? To invite people and have them disappoint you because they rejected it? To see what you looked like last night at the club, and for everyone else on your friends list to look at what you looked like last night in the club? To keep staring at all the pictures tagged of you, just because Facebook technology makes it so easy to view all of them in chronological order? To remember not to wear the same clothes again? To get people to comment on your new haircut? To do what? Which one is fulfilling a real need and not an obsession?

Why is it so necessary in life? Why are we obsessed with having less realness and more textness? Why am I not playing the piano from time to time like I did from 8 to 16? Why am I not learning how to play other instruments? Why am I not going to the basketball court for pick-up games? Why am I sitting at home and not going for a walk? Why am I not talking more on the phone with people I care about? Why am I not reading all the books I have on my shelves? Why do I not go to bed earlier? Why do I not know how to cook like my parents? Why do I not care about fitness anymore? Why do I get so stressed? Why do I lock myself up and feel like I have to do that in order to be productive? Why do I not join any clubs and teams? Why do I love art but don’t paint? Why do I take my laptop everywhere? Why am I addicted to this damn thing? Why do I like to log onto Facebook and clearly waste time?

I hate it; I abhor it! I’m disappointed in myself and I believe I have so much more to do with my time than let allow a social networking website encourage me to waste it! I don’t want people to see what I looked like the last time I went out. I don’t want to prove anything to anyone. I don’t like my entire life to be revealed to people who don’t care to send me email or call me on the phone to meet up. The ones who care will communicate, whether through Facebook or through other means. I choose to let go of Facebook for my own health and well-being in the future. Anything I have done through Facebook up to this point, I will use another approach to do it. I know how I act towards technology and communication, and I’m going to fight the challenge and continue to grow. Oh, and I really don’t want to agree to any corporate sponsors having access to any of my content — it’s pretty damn valuable; they can just go look me up and scavenge information the harder way.

This might not be the best choice for others, but as someone who has her own website, her own blog, Flickr account, del.icio.us account and an e-mail software for organizing emails, I think I will be absolutely fine if I spend more time updating those accounts while eliminating Facebook.

I’m going to commit myself to this goal for 2008 and I will not let technology run my life. I am an artist, an expressionist, a maker and a communicator. From now on I will continue to be productive in my work and continue to practice other activities that I enjoy and have always wanted to experience.

To a 2008 without Facebook!