Just start writing. Once you do you’ll figure out what you want to write about. So many times a thought comes to my head and I tell myself I should start writing about it and make a beautiful piece of writing. I tell myself to get back into writing poetry, like I did when I took a Creative Writing class. I got infront of the mic and spoke my words, heard lots of positive feedback, like how I was born with a mic. How do you get comments like that and don’t continue writing? How do you just stop and hide in the shadow when you were admired for your powerful voice?

I wish I knew exactly I stopped my intense writings and spoken words. It was the most relieving form of expression for a period of time. I was searching for something with so much passion. Trying to discover who I was and speak my individuality, my creative mind, my love for ambition and inspiration.

I hate to write this and admit to it but I think I stopped because I fell in love. I couldn’t write about it because I found it so difficult to express. My desire to express my feelings drifted away and my passion to speak found its way in my partner. I slowly realized that writing things that were important to me weren’t important to write about. It sounds terrible, but maybe I don’t want to show off the intensity of my love anymore. Maybe I still haven’t taken it all in and reached the point to reflect on my experience with being in love with someone else and having it in return. Maybe I’m not ready to be open about the ups and downs, simple beauties, companionship, brutalities, childish gestures and mind-readings. There are too many magical subjects to write about that I don’t feel any of it necessary to share. Maybe not yet. Maybe another time.

i wish i knew where i was going. When i start to write in this blog, i always feel i have to be honest and say what i’m thinking in the moment. i don’t know where i’m going but i know it’s digital. i know it’s social. i know it’s business. i know it’s micro. i know it’s fun and innovative and powerful, but i don’t know where it is, when it is, and who i’ll be doing it with. i know i’ll get there because i’ve been practicing. i know practice shows patience. i know practice shows passion. practice shows discipline. practice shows stability. And in the end, practice adds up with practice, and you get versatile mish mash of practices. i believe at some point all my practicing practices will find a home and have a practice party to then show me where i’m going.

Until that day, i shall practice things i like doing.

whether or not i know
what new or old is
i sense in this moment
where i sail will stay
if i stay clear
swim sensually close
like aging with a patient
part of me
the old me

My first blog post was in 2007 when I was heading down to Florida for a 5 month exchange program. I started writing about my experiences because for some reason I found some value in them. I liked reading them later to relive things again. I wanted to make meaning of life as I evolved as a designer.

A friend of mine whom I hadn’t met up with for a year said to me, “member when you were ambitious?”
I paused for a moment, not knowing if I should respond with offense or agreement. I said, “I’m always ambitious. I’m coming up with ideas at work (contracting at RIM currently). I’m trying new things, presenting new ideas.” I think that response wasn’t with offense nor agreement, it was with comfort.

I feel like I’m in a comfort zone right now. I’m going to work for 8 hours, to a renowned telecom company, working on ideas that can make me stand out as a designer. I live with my boyfriend who I fell in love with in the first week we met and I feel like my life has settled down. I had no idea when you find love, a whole lot of things change. Your core becomes shared with one other person who becomes part of you. I had never had that but always longed for it. I was in the search for that one interesting worthwhile person. So I have it now – now what?

I doodle. I started doodling since last December and it seems to be my first hobby, because I don’t do it for a reason. My boyfriend was the main reason I started doing it. His encouragement kept me going.

Who am I now? Where is my ambitious self? That daredevil who was after something big. My gut answer is, “I’m always ambitious”. Because I know I’m driven. Time will tell where I belong in this world of innovation, cusp, peek, breakthrough, disaster, unsustainable, confused, chaos, leadership, youth, technology, internet, mobile and CHANGE. I’m comfortable right now with the new relaxed me that doesn’t feel responsible to be a social leader, change-maker, agitator, mover, shaker, button pusher. I feel happy to snuggle and eat dinner with a smile every day. I’ve found peace in the other, even though it’s scary sometimes.

Is that the new me? Well it’s updated enough for now!

It’s fair to say that nature is perfect and from nature we derive our perception of perfection. However, we have taken perfection to the extent of physicality and morality. Even with art! We leave no room for mistakes or irregularities and if we notice them we point them out and extend our judgement towards them. “Is it beautiful? Is it art?” We do this with society! We classify people, places, music and fashion with our constructed ideals for perfection. Odd becomes cool, cool becomes perfect – so we think. This way we can judge and feel good or bad about our own lives. It’s how we get by daily.

It’s good. It’s in our nature to be this way. Afterall, we were given a brain for a reason – to define our own reality, to adhere to safety.

Seek beauty in people and places that don’t advertise their perfection. Try looking for imperfection – you’ll find reality there. Remember me when you find it and smile. =)